Author Topic: I'm Just Tired  (Read 412 times)

Offline Bob La Londe

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I'm Just Tired
« on: February 20, 2024, 17:38:36 pm »
Almost three years ago my dad had a brain tumor removed and I was briefly in charge of his affairs.  I proceeded to make changes to streamline and IMPROVE the lifestyle of both of my parents.  My dad explicitly said I was in charge.  There were things he said he'd like to sell, and I did the research determined the market values, found comparable things that were for sale or sold and let him know what we could expect and what I needed to move forward.  Then he started to negotiate with me like I was a cheap tire kicker looking to rip him off.  I said, "Okay we aren't selling that anytime soon then."  He proceeded to waste and burn my time like free firewood in other ways, and when I got feed back that he was telling people I was out of control I walked away.  I didn't write him off.  I just quit doing more than was absolutely necessary.  I hauled away truck loads of old junk and financial paperwork dating back to the late 60s.  I was still helping, but I wasn't doing any of the things I really needed to do for their long term benefit.  I did find a renter for them for one of their properties, and I am sure that made for a substantial improvement in their day to day lives.  I have been working directly with that renter the last few weeks since my dad has passed away and I see all the same problems I saw before.  Except for what I did none of it has been taken care of.  I have a lot to do taking care of my household, trying to keep my business running, taking care of his estate, and taking care of my mom who is now living with us. 

Yesterday, I planned to get a little work done, but I started out by taking the new car I had bought for me mom three years ago (they had a dozen project cars/trucks/etc but nothing I considered rock solid reliable) to the collision shop to repair the damage from when she rubbed a post with it.  **  Then I made it home to get one small household chore started.  I ran a load of dishes and put a load of clothes in the washing machine.  Then it was time to take my mom to an appointment.  3 hours.  We spent 3 hours inside the doctor's office.  Most of it sitting and waiting in between procedures on her eye.  After leaving the doctor's office we turned around and headed to the very far end of the valley to pick up a prescription for her.  It was 3:30 in the afternoon before I made it out to the shop.  Where I proceeded to contact my dad's health insurance supplement provider and cancel it.  I also called and made sure to change my mom's supplement insurance and prescription plans so everything gets mailed to me instead of their old address, and her prescriptions will be sent a pharmacy that isn't so far out of the way.  I also spent some time figuring out how much more it would cost.  After that I called the water company (who didn't answer) that provides water to two of their properties.  I want to keep the water and power on for the renter in one, and because when you turn off utilities properties seem to degrade more quickly.  Maybe its just a superstition on my part, but its what I have observed. 

Finally about 5:30 or 6 when I would normally be letting machines work for me while I wait for the call to dinner I just quit.    Not a single bit of customer work had been done.  Not every day is like this, but a lot of them are.  All of them have some degree of this. 

I am not sure the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train, but I see a glimmer in the distance.  I have found enough of the critical expenses and dialed in income sources that I am pretty comfortable handing her a credit cards and telling her show has a respectable allowance she can spend on whatever she wants every month. 

** Regarding the new car I bought for my mom almost three years ago.  My dad did have a Dodge Cummins with a broken (fitting was leaking fuel) lift pump, marginal batteries, and a bad crank position sensor.  (I fixed the lift pump and replaced the batteries myself a month or two later.)  It ran okay, but they often had to start it with ether... and a small stream of diesel ran out on the ground.  It was their daily driver.  The day he went to the hospital he had refused to go there with my mom, but she had managed to convince him to come to my house.  I was working at the work bench in my front office, and he was telling me about something or another.  In mid story telling his speech became garbled and incomprehensible.  I immediately brought him around, and walked him into the house to consult with my wife.  She is a physician (pediatrics) and expressed that I thought at first he was having a stroke.  She agreed that was possible and I took him straight to the hospital.  He had a brain tumor about the size of a lime.  They cut it out successfully.  During his time in the hospital, rehab, and time he spent in a halfway house before I could make accommodations for them at my house (short term to complete his rehab and physical therapy) my mom was using my daily driver and staying in my guest bedroom.  It was very inconvenient for me, and I didn't want her having to deal with their truck that you needed to pop the hood and hit it with ether every other time you started it.  I bought her a brand new car.  I also told the both of them it was HER car.  I figured this way my dad would be less likely to turn it into a service truck.  In fact at that time my plan was to rearrange things so neither of them had to work at all.  They were old.  They worked longer hours than 99% of all other people for most of their lives.  Their was no need.  Well, now I have determined my mom shouldn't drive anymore, and I have added it to the long list of extra vehicles I need to get rid of.  I also found out my dad had purchased another used car because his truck quit on him so he could run around on his own if he wanted to.  Its actually in excellent condition, but its yet another vehicle I need to dispose of. 

I am now again doing all the things I was three years ago.  I don't have anybody fighting me or obstructing me from doing what I need to do, but I also can't ask any questions to find things.  I have to do it all myself.  Sometimes wading through stacks and cabinets full of paperwork.  I've already had a couple vultures circling trying to get me to sell stuff and claiming my dad offered them insanely low prices on things.  Prices I know for a fact he wouldn't have offered.  If anything he tended to price himself out of the market on things. 

I haven't even scratched the surface, but if I keep writing I'll burn my entire day and not finish writing.   

I try to take one day a week off and do things I want to do.  This week I'll be taking my truck out to their house to pick up a few things I don't want vultures carrying over the fence.  I assure you I would rather be fishing. 

Oh, the car I bought my mom did its job.  She took him to the hospital in it back in January.  That was also when she rubbed a post with it.  There was yellow paint on the body panel that matched the yellow paint on a post in front of the hospital.  He died from complications of Covid 19 and COPD.  Unfortunately, one night driving home from the she couldn't hold the road, and thankfully the highway patrol officer made her call somebody to take her home.  Also, her eyes may disqualify her.  I got a notice from DMV the other day saying she needs an approval on her eyes.   I need to make some arrangement for transportation and some degree of personal freedom for her next. 

I'm just tired. 
« Last Edit: February 20, 2024, 20:14:19 pm by Bob La Londe »
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Offline lloydsp

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Re: I'm Just Tired
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2024, 18:47:57 pm »
I sympathize with you, sir.  My dad was sharp and knew well how to run his affairs, but my mom put me through a similar ordeal.

You'll be fine.  It takes time.

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Offline Bubba

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Re: I'm Just Tired
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2024, 13:17:41 pm »
Bob, my sympathy. Hang in there, you know things will get better in the long run..
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